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This is my first time came across of the phrase... and it hurted me...This woman said, 'He fell out of love with me, I didn't.' I think I know how she felt...It is hard to imagine how/why love comes and then love goes... Not for me... The guy said, ' the guilt will only go on the day when she finds another guy'...Guilt is not necessarily equal to care...In a relationship, I am the blind one...Sometimes, I blame myself...I thought, if I love him, he would love me too...

Fabulous double decked Edinburgh bus drivers decided to have a strike this weekend, i.e. no buses running in Edinburgh at all. There is another bus company in Edinburgh but their bus routes do not cover a very big range. The weather on Sat was awful so I decided to stay in the flat, plus a guy is coming to see the flat at 7pm. I gave the flat (and my room) a big cleaning and I baked banana scone! How good is that?! The guy is all right. He is from London, a bit shy but seems to be nice. He reminds me about another friend called Michael (similar accent). After he left, we (3 girls) had a discussion. Basically, three of us are single (Natalia's bf has gone back to US and they decided to 'take easy'). Three single girls and one OK looking guy... hm.... not so good idea. But we will see. I feel I can live with him. But there will be no more walking to shower with nothing on but a towel. Sunday turned out to be a nice day. I was wearing wooly jumper and socks a day before (and still looked purple). I can't stand staying in the flat doing nothing. So I decided to walk to the lab (one hour each way). Believe me, it is a long way. Two other PhD girls were working in the office as well. I have a very bad habit: I can't concentrate when there are people beside me. So instead of marking around on computer as I always do if I was by myself, I went to look at my RNAi transfected slides. Very interesting result, but I should check again before I become too happy (this has happened a couple times. Over joyed and then found out it was a false result. I've learnt my lessons). Keep it quiet till you are really sure about it, otherwise you are just causing yourself unnecessary troubles. (Group members hate you when you have good results), sad, I know...Then I went for a swim! I arrived when there were hardly anyone in the pool (me and another person!) The pool is fabulous!!!! (no smelly chlorine which makes your skin rash. The pool uses 'ozone' for cleaning. No smell at all. Actually, the pool smells very perfumery.) Lifeguard was bored and said hello to me (and almost made me drown! I can't talk while I am swimming!) I was going to swim for 20 lanes (5 km) but stopped at 16 because I realised the lifeguard walks faster than I swim!! (haha!) So I went to the steam room for 10 min, followed by a warm wash to wash away the waste, then another 10 min of sauna, followed by a cold shower to close the pores. I need this to get rid off the alcohol/cigarett from pub night on Friday.Here comes the worse part, I am tired and feel relaxed (you know the feeling after exercise) but now I have to find my way home. There is no other way except walk (and it is uphill!) I can see castle, standing high on the hill. After I get to castle, it is only half way. And I made it: and I was hungry!Russian flatmate made this wonderful mushroom pie and it is for us to sample. It is the best pie I ever tasted! I still cooked curry (the only thing I am good at cooking) and had curry with Veronica.Now it is 10:45pm and I want to go to bed, although I have to catch up on some yeast two hybrid reading. Perhaps I will wake up eariler tomorrow and do the readings before I go to work. It is another busy day but lots connection with people. Sometimes I feel I have to 'physically' switch on the socilising switch as soon as I step into the building (put a smile on the face, chat to people, make jokes etc). Do I have autism? maybe... Actually, autism might be a form of extrem where our brain tries hard to make it like a 'male' brain. I am too sleepy to expand on this paragrah and should stop here. Bye for now.

To celebrate my birthday, we went out for a meal. I was wanting to have food and then go home and chill out.  The night out eating almost turned into a hen's party! I have never drank this much in my life. I wasn't feeling too well before we went out. There are some serious problems between my supervisor and me and I felt depressed. We got to the pub, and I drank a bottle of Spanish beer very quickly. Normally, a bottle of beer would knock me off.  We waved goodbye to people who can only make for a drink and jumped on the bus heading to an Italian restaurant.We ordered food and a bottle of wine to share between four people. Glass got emptied very quickly. We ordered another bottle of wine. Drank very quickly. Then we ordered dessert with alcohol (brandy and vodka). Drank/eaten very quickly. I was quite drunk already. The last thing caught at the corner of my eye before we headed to a pub was a waitor spoon-feeding one of a female customers sitting at the table beside us. Before I can do anything, the cork of a bottle of champaign was popped! Great atmoshpere! By the time when I had another top-up of the champaign, I was at the verge of throwing out. Then the ballon came out, it went very wild! The ballon! (Oh dear....) I had to cover it with my jacket to take it with me back to the flat across the road. Straight into bed, unconcious.Managed to drag myself to the lab and did some experiments at 9:30am, rather impressed.

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There is another good news in the lab!Simon and Sebby engaged in the weekend!  They are the fifth good news happened in the lab since New year!  They say good things come in 3 or 7. We have 5 now. So, there will be two more!I know Simon! He was writting up his PhD thesis when I first started. I thought he is a quiet person but he proved me wrong. Ginger hair, glasses, funny Manchester accent, but insists to enjoy the very fine of life (e.g. nice car and flat!) He went through a lot in the past year. Simon's mum was diagnosed with breast cancer and passed away within 6 months time. She was so young. I witnessed Simon's grief during that time. Luckly, Sebby was there with him. And Simon recovered very quickly. I saw a big change in Sebby too. Before they started going out which was just over a year ago, Sebby looked OK but now she is glowing! She looks happy, healthy, and shinning. It is amazing how love can do to a person.  Simon took Sebby out camping. It was pouring down and they were in the tent. Suddly, Simon got down to one knee and propsed! (how romantic!!!) The ring (gorgeous, a big diamond) was wrapped in paper with a note on it saying, 'I owe you a ring'. That is so sweet! I guess I have recovered well enough from my heart-breaking experience. I felt really happy for them when I first heard the news but felt I am missing out something when I was alone later on. Lorna, who just broke up with her boyfriend who she has gone out together with for over 6 years, almost broke into tears when she heard the news. Poor thing. It is not easy. The first 6 months after I broke up with him, I would become tearful when I saw teddy bears holding hearts or red roses. That is how much love hurts. It is getting harder and harder to find people go to pub with or watch movies because most of them have got their wee committment (baby or the other half). And I am still alone. That is enough for today. Bye for now.

It is the Monday of Victorian weekend- holiday.  Lab is still packed with keen students/scientists! I slept in till 10:30 this morning and treated myself with a nice breakfast. Nice breakfast means I sat down and ate food properly (instead of shuffling in whatever I can grab!) Off I went!- to the lab of course!I have been walking to the lab for weeks (didn't see any significant changes in my weight) but I am conveinced that I am slightly fitter. Now I can walk up the stairs from basement (where my office is) to 3rd floor (where the lab is) without needing to use oxygen mask.  People know me would know I absolutely hate walking because it is boring and it takes forever! Aided with a dolgy pedometer and radio, it is slightly bearable! I absolultely enjoy BBC radio! Now I am sitting in front of my laptop, waiting for the incubation of my RNA in situ slides to finish (it is in its last NBT/BCIP stage), feeling a bit tired and wish I could soak myself in a spa. PhD is a stressful job! Better get back to whatever I should be doing.Tata.

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昨晚 父女兩個都有點焦慮(anxious)我打電話回家跟媽媽叨叨唸唸媽說妳在緊張喔真是知女莫若母老爸在旁邊聽到了說他要跟我講話

 好久沒有 had the whole day off,中午買束漂亮的花 去看一位剛生baby 的同事She looks good!She said it is definitely a change of life!